The Sun Is Out Again

A while ago, someone pointed out that the acronym for the FBI's Most Unwanted, FMU, could also be the the acronym for Fox Mulder University. Well, ideas flew all over the Forum and in a few days, Flag had written a university bulletin for our beloved Fox Mulder University. Be warned, however, this piece contains very mild Season 4 spoilers and vague sexual references. If you are easily offended, you might want to skip this one, but if you love Fox Mulder...read on--

This is a very specialized university, preparing the student for life as an FBI agent assigned to the X-Files. Throughout your course work, you will focus specifically on Special Agent Fox Mulder and after four years of intensive study, you will receive a Bachelor of Fox Mulder degree. Note: Graduate work must be done at Oxford University.

Before beginning your studies, you will be required to attend a one- on-one *orientation* with Fox Mulder. He makes it a point to meet with each student individually and help them prepare for their studies. (isn't that nice!)

General Education required classes:

College Math--learn all about Napier's Constant, the basis for all natural logarithms, and how to open doors to secret government vaults using this Constant.

College Writing--learn proper procedure for writing FBI reports and criminal profiles.

Spanish--learn to say more than "Nojo on the rojo."
Latin--so you can understand what Satanists in New Hampshire are chanting.
German--see Latin.
Navajo--this class will be necessary if you want to understand the contents of the Defense Department documents known to Albert Hostein.

General Biology of Fox Mulder or General Biology of Dana Scully--depending on your preference you may take either class. These courses will include hands on lab experience. (I can't believe I wrote that!)

Physical Science--this class focuses on a wide range of topics: cosmic G-spots, silicon life forms, the arctic ice sheet and wormlike life forms living there, etc. Note: new topics will be added as new discoveries are made.

The History of Religious Cults in America--special emphasis on the elusive Kindred, the Red Museum of Wisconsin, Satanists in New Hampshire, the Calusari, and Lord Kinboat and the Lava Men.
The History of Myth--this class will touch on many creatures rumored to exist. Specifically: the mutant Eugene Victor Tooms, the Jersey Devil, Adams and Eves created by the Litchfield Project, Flukeman, vampires, Mrs. Paddock, the Fiji mermaid, fat sucking men who hang out on the Internet, gargoyles, Big Blue, etc.
The History of UFO Sightings in America--Deep Throat used to teach this class, but he was killed. His associate Mr. X taught this class until he, too, was murdered. Now a young woman named Marita will be teaching this class and we're hoping she stays alive.

Mulder's Video Appreciation 101--Fox Mulder shares with us his favorite videos from his "special" collection. Note: you do need to be over 21 years of age to take this class.
Music Appreciation--A class for the in depth study of music from the X-Files which will include learning from which episode each piece of music originated from on both the "Songs in the Key of X" and Mark Snow's "The Truth and the Light."

Appreciating Moby Dick 201--with special emphasis on the character of Ahab.
Philosophy of Common X-Files Phrases--study the meaning of phrases like: Trust No One, Deny Everything, I Want To Believe, The Truth Is Our There, and a class favorite...Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates.

Natural Sciences--Dendochronology 110. Searching for more evidence of little green bugs in the forest of the American northwest. A fee will be charged for "a nice trip to the forest."

Social Science--Understanding Bizarre Behavior. Study of Donnie Pfaster, Luther Lee Boggs, Robert Partick Modell, the Conundrum, and John Lee Roche, just to name a few.

Computers--Studying and Programming the Central Operating System (COS). Make the system work for you! Taught by the Lone Gunmen.

Classes Required for a Bachelors of Fox Mulder:

UFO Theory Classes:

UFO Sighting in America 301--Gulf Breeze, Fallen Angels, with a special section on Duane Barry.
The Geography of Reticulum 302--learn all about where the Little Green Men come from-study their land forms, spaceships, and the iron depletion in their galaxy.
Anatomy of a Little Green Man 303--practical hands-on experience with an E.B.E.

Hereditary Biology and Racial Hygeine 410--special class taught by Joseph Mengela.
Hybridization 411--taught using theories presented by Victor Klemper. This class will specifically study the Peacock family--what went wrong? The dangers of inbreeding.
Branched DNA 412--this class will be taught by the leading expert on this subject, Dana Scully.

Understanding Reincarnation
The Scientific Nature of the Whammy
The Study of Cancer--focus on the Black Cancer, Dana Scully will share her personal views on cancer, and the course will wind up with the study of the BODIES of Leonard Betts.
Investigating the Mystery of the Horny Beast--Detective White will share her insights on how she and Mulder *made out* on this case.

Upon completion of your course-work there will be a private, *indepth*, personal consultation with Fox Mulder (I can't believe I wrote that either!) and he will decide if you are ready to receive your Bachelors Degree.

We wish you will with your studies, enroll now, and sign up for lab time early as many people will want to take the *study material* home with them (oh, I'm on a roll now).

The work on this page is the property of Jennifer "Flag" Lucas. Please do not reprint or repost without permission from the author.